The girls are both taking a nap (which is a large feat in and of itself) and I am setting up our first artificial Christmas tree (they sure have come a long way -- this baby looks quite real!) thinking of the relationships I have developed with people over the years and the relationships I currently have. The one question I find myself coming back to over-and-over again is "does it really take a village to raise a child?"
I have heard this expression my whole life and never really given much thought to it's meaning until recently. I have been stewing over this question for a couple weeks now waiting for the right moment to write my thoughts on the subject. I guess today is the day (lucky you...haha).
Kailee (my oldest) will be turning four years old in February and we (our family) have been in many different situations in regards to having a support system around. Being in the military has really put us in a smorgasbord of situations in regards to this. Seth has been deployed a couple times since having children. As any military spouse will tell you, deployments stink...especially without some sort of support system. I have tried play groups, Bible studies, and I have even resorted to eavesdropping (there's nothing like going to the park to stalk other families, eavesdropping, waiting for the "right moment" to intercede with a comment...haha)
I have to say that the most tenuous situation was when Kailee was first born (in NC), Seth's mom & sister left (after staying a week or so), and I knew no one. On some days, I was ok with this but some days were really rough. I longed for home. Those of you that know me know that this is a little "off" because every time I go home there is usually a lot of stress and arguing involved. (It's unfortunate, but that is how it is) On those days, I felt like I was just going to lose it. I cried a lot and felt that I needed someone--anyone. Sure, Seth was there, but he was working during the day. I have a very outgoing personality. Spending the entire day in the house talking to a baby wasn't enough.
I branched out and tried a couple mommy/play groups but they weren't very good. I then turned to the church we had just started attending because they had a Bible study going on for new moms. I met a couple women there. We then started exercising together daily. This is where I met one of my very best friends in the world. I eventually started meeting my neighbors. They, too, were fabulous women who turned out to be a great support system. As the deployments started, I realized that not only was it nice (for my personality type) to meet/know other people but I actually needed these women. They were my lifeline.
I am usually not the type of person who plans things ahead of time or sticks to a schedule with the kids. Although I didn't do it intentionally, with each deployment a routine developed. In NC, I would go for a walk with a group of the neighborhood ladies to ease Kailee into her "bedtime routine" and make time pass in the evening. Without those women, without those walks, I don't know what I would have done...probably cried a lot more! The more "downtime" there is, the more time there is to stress about what could be happening to Seth...
What would I have done if I didn't have a 'village'? What about the time I had to go to the ER one evening due to severe stomach cramps and I had to take Kailee with me. I could hardly walk. Here I was in the bed, Kailee in her stroller (being pacified with food) well past her bedtime, praying for help. I called a friend from church and she came right over. Thank God for the "village". What about the time Seth was deploying and we wanted to go out for dinner one evening before he left? I am still grateful to my neighbor, Sarah (a "village member", of sorts), for watching Kailee. ...or you have those instances like now, where Seth isn't deployed but he is in school all day 5 days/week (and occasionally on weekends/evenings) and we don't get to spend much quality time together. Meeting other women who can exchange "babysitting" for those times out is priceless.
Before we even got the final word that we were moving to CA, I joined a mommies group here. Immediately the women started offering me advice about the area, offering to "house hunt" for us from afar, and more. It was amazing. Now that we are here, I feel I/we can rely on these women for just about anything. It's amazing really. We have company coming in for Christmas and I posted (on our message board) that I needed a couple air mattresses. It was amazing. Within hours, I received offers to let our guests stay at people's houses, offers for air mattresses, sheets, and more. It is the simple things... What would I do without my little "village" in California -- I would, more than likely, be "down" and "out". I was about to say that my house would be a little more clean with all of the time on my hands but that probably wouldn't happen. haha.
MY CURRENT "VILLAGE"
As far as my original question goes concerning it "taking a village", I am sure it depends on the personality of the parent(s) and child(ren) but for me, I think it may not "take a village" to raise a child but it definitely makes it much easier. I thank God daily for each new "village" I encounter, for the support I receive from like-minded women. I continue to pray that He will help me to be an encouragement and "light" to other moms/women in the same situation I am -- one in which a familial support system my not be readily available.
Being an Army wife can be hard, but it but it doesn't have to be. In life, you are dealt certain circumstances and you learn to deal with them in the best way you know how...for me, that is flying by the seat of my pants and subscribing to the view that, yes, it does take a village...so, I join or create one with each new place of residency and I force myself to get over my prideful self and accept the love and support that I know I need.
To all of the ladies who's "village" I have been a part of, I love you guys. Thank you for the support and love you have given to me. I will never forget it...
